I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
