your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
