he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
