I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
