The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
