the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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