I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
