Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
