i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
