i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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