I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
