we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am spending my child support on dildos
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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