I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
