So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
