did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
