Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
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I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
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He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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