and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You can't motorboat a personality
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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