did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
