if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
this just has baby written all over it
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.