I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Are we still banned from the library?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.