yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it