can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
