I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.