Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar