i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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