oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
