My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
