have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
