i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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