I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
