Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
