So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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