you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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