you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
