I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
