Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
