I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I want to fling myself into the sun
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
