Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Bring me that man meat
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
