I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Drunk is not a location!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
