so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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