God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
