I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
