everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
we should paint friendship bongs
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