it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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