She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
