Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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