U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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