Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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