i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
