wanna go halves on a baby?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
