You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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