That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
