u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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