I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
