your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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