So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
