I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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