there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
