from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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