WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
