Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize