i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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