I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
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Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
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He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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