KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
