Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
