I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
A bitchslap is in order.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
