She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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