he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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