to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
