She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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