wakey wakey hands off snakey
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
