I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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