I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
