Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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