you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
