So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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