I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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